Is Gay Marriage a Threat To Our Culture?
Gay Marriage The crucial topic of gay people getting married once again made headlines this week when the California Supreme Court ruled that some gay people can stay married while others cannot become married. It's a good thing there are no pressing issues in America, or on Earth, because otherwise you could say it's sort of frivolous to be so concerned about something that affects so very few people -- people who generally live in much better neighborhoods than those simple folk who oppose the faraway homosexuals having a wedding.
Even though it's none of my business, I am also seriously worried about the implications of widespread gay marriage. Whatever this or that court or state legislature or bigoted California proposition does today, there is no doubt that homosexual weddings have gone from "Wha?!" to just another market segment of the bridal/honeymoon industry. And that scares me more than any nuclear bomb in North Korea.
Why? Because, if you haven't noticed, gays make most of our culture. They write our teevee shows and Broadway musicals and even books, for those who can still read. They are the world's entertainers, designers and bloggers. And nothing threatens the creative spirit -- which God gave primarily to homosexuals -- more than the awful tedium of marriage.
Take a look at the heterosexual married people around you. Seen any of those people playing "Your Song" in a duck suit at Central Park? I thought not.
There is, as experts have long told us, nothing as banal and soul-crushing as heterosexual marriage. While it may be a relatively safe way to keep the majority of Americans out of trouble until they're too old to do anything at all, this is no way to treat our best and brightest.
Imagine how different our world would be if hobbit legend Ian McKellen had instead chosen the artless drudgery of married life over the excitement of gay London theater! Try to envision the dull gray reality of existence if Shrek heroes Rupert Everett and Rufus Wainwright had settled for the dismal slow death of marriage instead of the spotlights of Hollywood.
Still not convinced? Then the names of these two superstars should say it all: Ellen Degeneres and Rosie O'Donnell.
Synonymous with "comedic genius" and perhaps the finest American humorists since Mark Twain, Ellen and Rosie became gay married -- although not to each other -- and ever since, all we can do is wonder what might have been.
Ellen had the top comedy sitcom teevee show at some point in the past, and we all gathered together each week on the night it was broadcast to laugh together as a national family.
Then came marriage. And like so many married people, our princess of prime time became stuck with the mouth-breathing routine of Daytime Teevee.
Rosie, too. Perhaps our finest "blue collar" comedienne of the 1980s, Rosie was the biggest star in show business. But, eventually, she too had a wedding -- and her fall was even more steep, as she went from daytime teevee to no teevee at all. Who could ever replace her on The View? Many have tried, including wacky newcomer Glenn Beck, but none have come close to her comedic skill and her passion for various new snacks.
Let's not ruin what remains of American Culture. We must keep gays from being destroyed by the living hell that is marriage.
It may already be too late, as gay scientists are said to be perfecting a time machine which would, as part of an all-inclusive wedding package, allow gay couples to travel back to their choice of weekends between July 16, 2008, and the passage of Proposition 8. For an extra fee, the happy partners would be allowed to travel back to 1977, for both a glimpse of famous New York nightlife and the chance to ritually punch Anita Bryant in the mouth.
Even though it's none of my business, I am also seriously worried about the implications of widespread gay marriage. Whatever this or that court or state legislature or bigoted California proposition does today, there is no doubt that homosexual weddings have gone from "Wha?!" to just another market segment of the bridal/honeymoon industry. And that scares me more than any nuclear bomb in North Korea.
Why? Because, if you haven't noticed, gays make most of our culture. They write our teevee shows and Broadway musicals and even books, for those who can still read. They are the world's entertainers, designers and bloggers. And nothing threatens the creative spirit -- which God gave primarily to homosexuals -- more than the awful tedium of marriage.
Take a look at the heterosexual married people around you. Seen any of those people playing "Your Song" in a duck suit at Central Park? I thought not.
There is, as experts have long told us, nothing as banal and soul-crushing as heterosexual marriage. While it may be a relatively safe way to keep the majority of Americans out of trouble until they're too old to do anything at all, this is no way to treat our best and brightest.
Imagine how different our world would be if hobbit legend Ian McKellen had instead chosen the artless drudgery of married life over the excitement of gay London theater! Try to envision the dull gray reality of existence if Shrek heroes Rupert Everett and Rufus Wainwright had settled for the dismal slow death of marriage instead of the spotlights of Hollywood.
Still not convinced? Then the names of these two superstars should say it all: Ellen Degeneres and Rosie O'Donnell.
Synonymous with "comedic genius" and perhaps the finest American humorists since Mark Twain, Ellen and Rosie became gay married -- although not to each other -- and ever since, all we can do is wonder what might have been.
Ellen had the top comedy sitcom teevee show at some point in the past, and we all gathered together each week on the night it was broadcast to laugh together as a national family.
Then came marriage. And like so many married people, our princess of prime time became stuck with the mouth-breathing routine of Daytime Teevee.
Rosie, too. Perhaps our finest "blue collar" comedienne of the 1980s, Rosie was the biggest star in show business. But, eventually, she too had a wedding -- and her fall was even more steep, as she went from daytime teevee to no teevee at all. Who could ever replace her on The View? Many have tried, including wacky newcomer Glenn Beck, but none have come close to her comedic skill and her passion for various new snacks.
Let's not ruin what remains of American Culture. We must keep gays from being destroyed by the living hell that is marriage.
It may already be too late, as gay scientists are said to be perfecting a time machine which would, as part of an all-inclusive wedding package, allow gay couples to travel back to their choice of weekends between July 16, 2008, and the passage of Proposition 8. For an extra fee, the happy partners would be allowed to travel back to 1977, for both a glimpse of famous New York nightlife and the chance to ritually punch Anita Bryant in the mouth.
No comments:
Post a Comment